Doosry Manzil (Sit Down Comedy)

This is Mirza Bilal.
The Bloke I organized "Sit Down Comedy" with somewhere in the middle of January.

The Great Divide

“So how many Quranic Chapters do you people have?” asked my friend.

“Huh? They were thirty last time I checked”.

But they are now! You lot had forty previously did’t you?

Ah what???

Exactly! The last ten chapters of your Quran have been eaten by the goat right?

Oh yea? Well… Thank you goat! You made me a Muslim!

Accusations of such genius sorts are more hilarious than offending you know. But most of us lack the competency to think above, to think rationally. It is one of the pivotal aspects of our society that has never made us the ‘brothers’ we ought to be.

The great divide between the two major sects of our religion has always hindered our thoughts and customs. Slogans of Shia Kafir! And the Ridicule of the Caliphs has been a bone of contention and thorn in our florescent Islamic society.

Why cant we opt to keep religion has a personal choice? Why is that we fail to understand the difference between ‘being judged’ and ‘be the judge’?

Religion is freedom. Freedom to think, to act, to live through a code of conduct that you should opt to choose and once you have done that you should ought to respect what others believe in. To agree to disagree with harmony and peace should be cardinal to the essence of our society.

It’s easier said then done. We host a religion that is molded and shaped by our culture. We value our ancestral customs and norms more than our religion.

I can easily recall the tantrums my mum had to face when she disapproved of a ritual that is commonly followed in Shia Islam. Accusations and thoughts like “it’s been there since ages” almost made her strongly contemplate her zealous endeavors.

A culture-dominated religion tends to mingle the logical and the absurd in such a profound way that you find it difficult to discriminate between the ‘sublime and the ridiculous’.

The religion is simple which makes it an efficient catalyst to harbor illogical, absurd extreme practices which creates animosity, hatred and a feeling of “they and them” as oppose to “we and us”.

These times are tough, we have clashing civilizations, we need to progress, we need to be together. It’s high time now that we practice patients and rationale.

Let us brand ‘peace’ for once.

From your Valentine

I’m sure we draw reality from fiction.

Just as Jerry Seinfeld would say “Spider-man, Super-man, Batman… these are not fantasizes… these are options…

I like to remember 14^Th February because 15^Th February is my kid-sis birthday.A good enough reason to remember Valentines Day eh?

Coming to Valentines Day, wiki says and I quote:

“Legenda Aurea still provides no connections whatsoever with sentimental love, appropriate lore has been embroidered in modern times to portray Valentine as a priest who refused an unattested law attributed to Roman Emperor Claudius II, allegedly ordering that young men remain single.

The Emperor supposedly did this to grow his army, believing that married men did not make for good soldiers.

The priest Valentine, however, secretly performed marriage ceremonies for young men. When Claudius found out about this, he had Valentine arrested and thrown in jail. In an embellishment to The Golden Legend, on the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he wrote the first "valentine" himself, addressed to a young girl variously identified as his beloved as the jailer's daughter whom he had befriended and healed, or both.”

It was a note that read…

"From your Valentine."

And since that day we have mourned his death in the most befitting way.

Maybe it would have made more sense if it was an “Anti-Gay Day”

Besides being a vindictive-single-guy-who-is renting-it-all-out, I in my sanity consider Valentines Day to be the most UN-intellect thing, the human race can come up with.

Do you really need a card or a gift or a what ever to prove your love. Can we be dumber? And what’s with the hearts? Who even came up with this shape? It reminds me of a sticky reddish flubber. The cupid is not even romantic… No wonder Michael Jackson lost his nuts and started slobbering over kids.

So this Saturday, when couples will be off wishing, exchanging, dating, and you know what, I will be off to Yes Mister for my weekend cup of tea… Alone. Sadly I am not the ‘fairer sex dream-dude’ and nor I choose “Clear men”.

Love has always been the white dress on the wrong girl.

Of Elephants and Ants

If you know the Urdu you should enjoy this…. If you do not.... then you better learn it!

(This bit of *genius* is a dedication to the *kid prodigy* no matter how much may hate them… you have to agree they work on nerves.)

Im sure these females were Asian




Chunti (female-ant) hathni (female elephant) sey:

apney shohar (groom-elephant) ko samjaha lo key mujhe nae chairay!

Werna mard humaray ghar mein bhi hein….

Yeh naa ho baat khun kharabey tak phonch gae!

Size does (not) matter

Chunta aur chunti bike per:

Samney sey hathi ata hai

(bike halts to a dead-stop!)

Chunti, driver -chuntay say:

KHUCHAL DALL SALAY KO!!!

Common sense is not so common is it?

One beetle-car, four elephants, how would they fit in?

Well two in the front two at the back! What did you think?

Touche!

Chunti scampering at full throttle…

Kahan jaa rahi ho? Asks her friend

Oh hathi ka accident ho gaya hai khun ki zarrort hai khun dainay jaa rahein hoon

I really need to sleep no?

The Land of the Pure

Me: hey dude

Devoted Muslim friend: don’t say ‘hey’; say, 'ASSALAM ALAIK KUM.'

Me: oh okay.

Devoted Muslim friend: (shakes his head in disgust) you know you are really going down the wrong path you know that?

Me: am I?

Devoted Muslim friend: Yes! How punctual are you with your Namaz?

Me: oh well I’m hardly offering prayers.

Devoted Muslim friend: (almost faints) you are doomed! Hell awaits you!

Me: oh dear…

Devoted Muslim friend: you better get your act straight. Devote your life to the Almighty.

Me: hmmm. Hey I don’t see your chowkidaar?

Devoted Muslim friend: oh Anis…. Well his son died… remember the Rains a week ago? Well our servant quarter does not have a proper ceiling and he was like 6 months old so... naturally. Dad has made sure though he gets through the grief… given him a few extra bucks…. khair Namaz pe challein? (Shall we go to pray?)

Me: hmm I think I will pass...

Devoted Muslim friend: You are doomed my friend! A time would come when God won’t help you either… you are so doomed...

Me: I wonder..