Change is the constant

A new layout should mean some new writings to, hopefully!

Noodles...

Come July (or June who cares?) reentered a whirlwind of hair barely some centimeters above the ground. Not that I knew then that whirlwind of hair will so smooth out my life or those mere centimeters of height will make me rise so much that I can boast with intent that I can bank on her at the most crudest and weakest hour.
She flicks a smile that may not be an engineering masterpiece, but it sort of permeates through her so much that it constitutes not only her happiness but makes it flow to her surroundings. Her immediate reactions and split second counter reactions to thoughts and events do not leave you irritated but pleasantly amused.
She makes you understand that doors have life and absurdity is sanity. Funny thing is she makes it sound quite believable.
So as junes turned to augusts and Septembers , so did the girl who had good brains to talk to , to someone you would just cannot stop listening to and talk to.. The baffle is not her intelligence but her ability not to believe that she is apart from the rest.
Irresponsibility makes her fashionably cute and her quips are wonderful to ignite. Her reflex to judge is almost so wonderful that you want to lie on purpose and listen to a theory out of it.
So when you know that this person cares for you without the condition feels you up with warmth and makes you wonder that actually not all is bad.
So 4th of January , she has gone astray and found that her love is actually crunchy(when uncooked) slimy and noodles, but this is just a very minute testimonial to a friend that I could narrate my life and get a hold from her that is deeper and stronger than any tangible thing alive.
This is for you noodles, may you prosper in this life and that you should know that you the confide is the best thing that ever happened to me!
Writes I who is sane at this time…..

Read of fun! :)

Via Samreen Naqvi,

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that
the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well...

Here is the "Bonus Question" on the exam: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off
heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?"
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a
girlfriend of mine during my Freshman year) that, "it will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I
slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

Disgust

Disgust it is! That’s what I am, nothing but a big pile of disgust. Every time I strive to get out of the pit hole of sorrow, grief and sadness, I just fall deeper and deeper. My constants of sanity keep changing and I am unable to cope.

I have crippled my self. I have been the architect of my own disasters, I give hope to know one and cannot cause happiness to no one. Not even myself.
I lure in the darkness and move away when the light shines.
I have lost every ounce of courage I ever had and yet I cant kill myself, nor those I want to!
God you create everyone for a purpose, what Thy choose for me, is something I would question you for but you don’t answer, you just don’t answer!
You make me weak and you ask me to stand up to the challenge? How unjust can it get!
Why cannot I get out of the mess? You know I try hard right? You know what goes in my head why cant you fix that? Why cannot you speed up time and just put an end to this ?
Why is a question you would never answer and I would never know….

Teaser

The Embassy opposite Park Lane is one lucky place.
Because there is a laugh that is so pure and so blunt that I am sure not only sparkles off through those mundane walls, but also permeates to make the sunshine in a pleasing way.
She is very proper, thought provoking and interestingly beautiful. She keeps you captivated with her voice and her speech.
If there were ever a term called a cute hot nerd! She would fit the crown perfect.
She has attitude that runs on her company, she has grace that few could have, and she is shit scared of the transformers at the dentist’s.
Above all she is this wonderful absorbing listener that any friend, companion or comrade will kill for.
So as it goes in the advertising bits of things, this, my friend is a teaser of what a wonderful person you are and how much more wonderful you make my world.
It was not your presence but your absence that made me realize that who leaves you, leaves the violet that completes the rainbow.
So said me, who has you back.

The date that is fast paced....

He: so why cannot we do this every day? You know I can chauffer you till the rest of my life and for free! You just don’t know how priceless these trips are for me.
She: Shut up!
He: why do you keep saying that?
She: because you need to?
He: what if I don’t?
She: *looks outside* what can I say?
He: Urgh! You hold limitless powers of teasing!
Why do you always turn away and look outside when I am talking? What in the world is so interesting about those fences and stupid bushes that always grab your awareness?
You take away all my sanity. The moments when your eyes glow when you talk, when you squeeze in your lips to say “Hmmm” when you shake your head in disgust, all these gestures of normality are so unique for me and so wonderful that I can ever explain them.
She: Shut up! I don’t believe you. You just smooth talk! And why are you touching my hand? Pervert!
He: *sighs in despair* my not a pervert and I am definitely not a smooth talker. Why do you only categorize my holding of your hand with some fantasized fetish sexual ordeal?
Haye! You’re typically cutely shallow!
She: no I am not! And you are still a pervert!
He: and you are so awesomely cruel which is worth the infinite moments of hurt.
You know what I sense when I touch you? You radiate hope. Your peculiar gentleness leaves me mystified and creates a surge of strength and weakness at the same time.
Your fingers signify that the world is rapture where misery is unknown.
She: whatever! *looks away and smiles*
He: and this feeling I cannot ever explain to you because I opted to love you. In fact you don’t opt to love; you just love someone out of the pure reason of how dynamic the individual is and how unconditional your reasoning is.
Words are a very limited tool to describe my feelings.
She: I don’t believe you.
He: I know I don’t want you to.
She: tum pagal ho! ( you are mad!)
He: No im perfectly sane you just provoke my sanity. You would never understand. Neither would I
She: we have reached! Now will you please?
He: we have?
And I thought my journey had just started.

Silence

Emotions are the deepest feelings that an individual can exhibit. They define who we are. No matter how strong or weak, they fabricate our thoughts, our actions and how we opt to live our lives.
My emotions are strong. Really strong.
That’s why I am always hesitant in making friends or get into a relationship. I like to remain independent because once I find an acquaintance; my prowess to dependency takes immediate control.
And that sucks.
My realization of personal space of people disappears instantly. I want to question I want to know what they are doing, I just want to be their shadow.
So when life goes off the road, or takes a rough road, I don’t have a spare tire, everything comes to shatteringly stand still.
The silence and pain of life is so…quiet.
The sounds are maddening and all you can imagine is the black hole in which you are sucked in bit by bit.
We need to keep fantasizing, keep imagining and keep dreaming of the perfect world even if it doesn’t exist.
For as for reality it only hangs by the most exposed thread.
And that scares the living hell out of me.

Heavy at heart

Optimism is not a thought, it’s a process its actions that we put in our lives to make it more bearable. It’s not the art of looking at the glass half filled, but it’s our innate actions and our mindset that keeps us (humans) positive about life, which to be honest is a pretty hard thing to do. There is should be specific recognition and applause for those who manage to be positive and “level headed” in face of adversity.
I write this because I can’t relate to being optimism. It is so complicated to be happy about life. It is so effingly difficult to remember your moments of serenity and happiness when things are absurd and are peer shaped.
I just realized for a rant this post is too bookish.
I have so many questions that I want to ask but I don’t ask. I have so much to shout about. To shout my guts out to a point my lungs hurt and my voice is hoarse!
But I cannot, I am incapable and I would not. That’s how I function. I absorb it in me and sulk my life out. I will curse myself to death to things I am not responsible for and yet I won’t utter a word.
And I hate myself for this.
I am losing my sense of live. I never had friends and I am losing the ones that I have.
Maybe I think too much. Yes I certainly do. I am obsessed with my brain. But how could you not think? How could you not just let go of yourself and surf along with the crowd? How could you let things happen?
“How” is such a difficult word to comprehend.
So this post is dedicated to all those pessimist realistic people who will just be heavy at heart.
Realistically the glass is always half empty, because someone drank the water before you.
We all deserve hell.
Signed, Me.

Symphonies

Wow.
Life is one dance that even the shy has to dance in front of the spectators that is beset to ridicule you.

You get nervous, you are obnoxious yet you dance to tunes you don’t know.
Amongst all this paranoia, you see this encouragement or so it is.

You look at her and you see she is not laughing with the crowd.

You observe closely and you see that she is laughing with you, not on you. You feel warmth radiating from her in form of appreciation which not only makes you confident but also makes you to believe.

I have never been more open to anyone as much as I have been to her.

And yet I’m unable to pronounce that to her. You see I am an introvert out of practice and dedication.
I make sure that I don’t express, and she makes sure that I am incapable of doing just that.


The act of appreciation is an act, if not carefully performed can be considered maligned.

You appreciate at times out of sheer need of to be appreciated by the other. Quite natural, quite selfish quite humane.

But at times you appreciate things, moments, feelings unconditionally. You don’t attach any strings.

You are just so overwhelmed by such occasions that all you can utter or burst is the absolute praise for which you are truly thankful for.

Even if you are an introvert.


So move close because you need to know that you are appreciated and loved for every ounce that you dwell for, for every thought you teasingly keep silent, for every gesture of console and anger that you unleash and for every pour of water that you pour from the bottle.


And when you say you hate yourself I need to let you know that you shouldn’t and that you are very wrong. You cannot make this world to hate you.


You need to realize that your happiness lies in your aura. Your tears don’t wash the world but they sketch sadness and an air of nostalgic glumness that eats away your heart as well as mine…

So in your moment of space when these words intrude you, they would only like to make you blissful because you are destined for value of not only yourself but also for a certain insignificant me.

Smile,

because the dance that is life is yours….

Sparkle

I am always for expressions.
It helps us explain our thoughts in a profound manner. No matter how bookish it may sound, but as per reality expressions are the sole reason that identifies us with life. It identifies happiness, anger, sadness and love….
She is the quintessence of expressions.
If its happiness, you can feel it meander through everyone in the most viable way.
Her blur of anger leaves you like a child who pleads guilty yet is embarrassed enough to accept. And yet her expressions of love no matter how whispered they are and how hardly audible they may be, makes you crave with excitement and joy that bounds infinite…
Her quizzical application of the regular norm words segregates them from being normal and creates an imagination of the perfect setting of the moonlight, the winter and the musical silence.
Moonlights are fun. It not only twinkles on the gloomy, but also invigorates a sense of proximity that either me or she or thy who knows can imagine.
For a fact I can tell you she just blush her life out and wants to kill me this very second
Then all that shines is not gold is it?
A day of turmoil appears… my life is imbalanced by the change in the regular. I feel dejected ,I feel lost ,I feel nothing….
I look for a shoulder and I find none. I try to communicate for which I’m halted. Those seconds made me skip a heartbeat and made me realize how sophisticatedly weak I’m.
Expressions are overwhelming too. So overwhelming that mere quietness shouts at you with pain, anguish and releases in form of tears.
And I am not even gifted with moments of madness that could make things certain. I opt to sulk; to deem I am treated correct is my significant way of self punishment.
Then I hear she is sick. Something that I hate to relate to. I pray not for her change for me but for her to change to happiness because that’s her expression.
The happiness that twinkles in her eyes is beyond captivating.
She flicks a wide smile and laughs with so much clarity and carelessness that you feel spell bound and begin to question the balance of life. In a way that you don’t associate that life is varied with its significant share of happiness and sadness.
Because she eliminates sadness.
So I rely on hope and it relies on me. And it bears fruit. She communicates and opens me up. I thank God again that he levels us and administers in me her bond.
No matter how complicated it may be, the bond is my lifeline to peace and I hope to hers the expressions of happiness and joy.
So is it the moonlight which I cherish, or the whispers of love, I just want you to know that you shall be loved (thank you Marron5)
Curl up read this and express happiness because that signifies not your twinkle but my life.

Glow the Gloom Away

Sadness is a natural process. It is a part of life that is undeniable and is something that is mandatory to happen in every human life. But it shouldn’t be like that.

Some people just are not meant to be sad….

Some people are just to be manicured and pedicure with happiness even if it costs you insane.

When water shines in her eyes and she sniffs, the world looks a darker, griever place.

Sadness is not her forte even if it makes her look the tragic princesses which leave you heartbroken.

She pronounces fun and instills in you extravagance of flair and makes you feel worth it.

Her difference of perception is addictive.

A date for me now is no more a thought of serenity, sea and candle night. It’s fast paced, moving, comical and cute. You will be driven mad when you speak and she gazes outside smiling and being completely engrossed at absolutely nothing, and the very next moment you are swept away as she looks in to your eyes and has that quizzical look for which you can kill for.

And that leaves you addicted.

Her clichéd use of sentences is highly adorable. “I don’t know, Deal with it, and Shut up!” are the norms that makes you smile and make her blush.

I am obsessed by her presence in a very warm and way. She needs to be happy and lively for me to remain calm and soothing.

Am I getting too occupied with her? May be I am but is there any other better thing to do in this world. I guess not.

So sadness please hush away you are never welcomed on her door steps and even if you do come around I am on guard.

It is only a coat of varnish but it is all that completes the color.

Muffled Laughter

I always need inspiration to write, to create to do work, I’m a highly dependent person. I like to react rather than be proactive, that’s just how the world normalizes for me. Or I thought so…

I have an inspiration now…

An inspiration so true, so serene and so beautiful that I cannot help resist the presence, the aura that is circulating her.
Not many people are so gifted. She is amongst those very few. She can have you engaged to her for endless amount of hours and also have you short of breath from the aura she radiates. To say that I’m compelled and taken totally out of my comfort zone with her around is a total understatement.

My thought patterns are mostly immaculate and are in sync with logic. She has erupted all of this out of proportion.

I now feel like a child who’s aligned with fiction. Who gropes at things and associates them with fantasy. She mystifies situations. She smiles and gives happiness a total new meaning. The twinkling eyes remind me of the serene calm sea on which light suspends and shimmers playfully. She restores my believe in the fact that this world is a montage of excitement, happiness and love.

She pulsates on sensitivity. She thinks infinite and she loves pampering. She makes you feel indulged as champagne, she delights you and have you wanting for more. Her immaculate antics do not irritate you but have you worried. She taunts your thoughts which do not make you sad but have you thinking and adopting to her perceptions.
She is not a blonde and thank god for that.

Her intelligence permeates all through her and her grip of the moment leaves you dazed. She glows like the dawn breaking out of the mountains and have you dumbfounded.

For the last week she says I make her happy and make her forget her issues. To say I’m honored and flattered justifies my lack of vocabulary of the language.

She would be reading this and would be blushing as she meanders through this non coherent gathering of words.

And that just makes this vagueness shine.

I won’t be the Romeo to sing couplets to the Juliet. But to have her twinkling with muffled laughter is good enough to have this world smile.

So who is she? She is you who reads…

Imagine I Must!

I love to day-dream. I just love to imagine, reverie and sketch fiction.

For me, Clouds were always the “Kingdom of Ice” at war with the blazing “Empire of Fire”, the sun. A mountain was where “God lived” and a waterfall was His drink.

Imagination is such a powerful tool. It draws clarity from the bizarre. It gives you the power of infinity. It helps you to draw a rainbow out of one single color.

And now I realize that why I don’t attract people to me. It’s obvious! I’m horribly boring and illusory. I’m sure I am not far away for being dubbed as the lunatic-who-no-one knows.

Most of the times, it will not agitate me. I concur to that. I choose to be that way.

But now reality has sunk in. Somehow happiness is what I cannot imagine.

I’m giving in to lure and dependency. I feel desperate. I feel not me.

I need to imagine again, I need to re-invent my thoughts.

I still need to imagine mountains where “God lives”, not where she is flogged and he is slaughtered.

The Tramp

Charlie Chaplin would arguably be one of the finest actors that Hollywood is yet to produce.
His depiction of the Tramp is a work of a genius. He managed to make people laugh at themselves; he depicted us and made us realize how stupid the human race is. He danced, he tripped, he laughed, he cried, all his acts patronized us and made us laugh with all his tragedies. Life is such a contradiction. Your misery is my happiness; my struggle is your ease.
So Charles Chaplin did what are leaders are doing today. They make me laugh. They make me realize how stupid I am and how tragic they are.
Who said that you can’t laugh away at your wretchedness?
Enter: the Tramp.

WHAT IF?

I wonder if bullets could think. The limited lethal life they have, what if they knew the purpose of their existence, what if they knew what deed they are carrying out. Once they leave their homes (guns), would they know what are they bringing to an end? Or what they are about to start? What if they could interpret the thin line of being an accomplice to the righteous martyrs, or harboring terrorists?
It is a combustible life they have. They live to kill. As they pierce through a living soul, they damage the intended target by tissue or mechanical disruption through impact or penetration.
And this is just a part of the story.
They dysfunction a whole family. They bring an end to a process; they replace life, its joys with death, sadness and anger.
They just do not penetrate flesh, they penetrate life. They question Gods justice and proclaim evil.
What if they knew all of this? What would they do? Would they retreat? Would they seize what have they set out to do? Or what they act like us? Just breathe a sigh of relive and carry on?
Am I getting too desperate?
Maybe I am. I just cannot relate optimism to human beings. We architect are own disasters and then feast on our miseries.
We kill, we sympathize, we inquire, we blame and then… we kill again.
How do we categorize rationality? We ask God to help us kill His men! Which part of religion are we following? Who gave us the right to eliminate life processes?
Frankly I don’t see us changing.Maybe its time I go back to my desperate thinking… what if bullets could think?

Doosry Manzil (Sit Down Comedy)

This is Mirza Bilal.
The Bloke I organized "Sit Down Comedy" with somewhere in the middle of January.

The Great Divide

“So how many Quranic Chapters do you people have?” asked my friend.

“Huh? They were thirty last time I checked”.

But they are now! You lot had forty previously did’t you?

Ah what???

Exactly! The last ten chapters of your Quran have been eaten by the goat right?

Oh yea? Well… Thank you goat! You made me a Muslim!

Accusations of such genius sorts are more hilarious than offending you know. But most of us lack the competency to think above, to think rationally. It is one of the pivotal aspects of our society that has never made us the ‘brothers’ we ought to be.

The great divide between the two major sects of our religion has always hindered our thoughts and customs. Slogans of Shia Kafir! And the Ridicule of the Caliphs has been a bone of contention and thorn in our florescent Islamic society.

Why cant we opt to keep religion has a personal choice? Why is that we fail to understand the difference between ‘being judged’ and ‘be the judge’?

Religion is freedom. Freedom to think, to act, to live through a code of conduct that you should opt to choose and once you have done that you should ought to respect what others believe in. To agree to disagree with harmony and peace should be cardinal to the essence of our society.

It’s easier said then done. We host a religion that is molded and shaped by our culture. We value our ancestral customs and norms more than our religion.

I can easily recall the tantrums my mum had to face when she disapproved of a ritual that is commonly followed in Shia Islam. Accusations and thoughts like “it’s been there since ages” almost made her strongly contemplate her zealous endeavors.

A culture-dominated religion tends to mingle the logical and the absurd in such a profound way that you find it difficult to discriminate between the ‘sublime and the ridiculous’.

The religion is simple which makes it an efficient catalyst to harbor illogical, absurd extreme practices which creates animosity, hatred and a feeling of “they and them” as oppose to “we and us”.

These times are tough, we have clashing civilizations, we need to progress, we need to be together. It’s high time now that we practice patients and rationale.

Let us brand ‘peace’ for once.

From your Valentine

I’m sure we draw reality from fiction.

Just as Jerry Seinfeld would say “Spider-man, Super-man, Batman… these are not fantasizes… these are options…

I like to remember 14^Th February because 15^Th February is my kid-sis birthday.A good enough reason to remember Valentines Day eh?

Coming to Valentines Day, wiki says and I quote:

“Legenda Aurea still provides no connections whatsoever with sentimental love, appropriate lore has been embroidered in modern times to portray Valentine as a priest who refused an unattested law attributed to Roman Emperor Claudius II, allegedly ordering that young men remain single.

The Emperor supposedly did this to grow his army, believing that married men did not make for good soldiers.

The priest Valentine, however, secretly performed marriage ceremonies for young men. When Claudius found out about this, he had Valentine arrested and thrown in jail. In an embellishment to The Golden Legend, on the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he wrote the first "valentine" himself, addressed to a young girl variously identified as his beloved as the jailer's daughter whom he had befriended and healed, or both.”

It was a note that read…

"From your Valentine."

And since that day we have mourned his death in the most befitting way.

Maybe it would have made more sense if it was an “Anti-Gay Day”

Besides being a vindictive-single-guy-who-is renting-it-all-out, I in my sanity consider Valentines Day to be the most UN-intellect thing, the human race can come up with.

Do you really need a card or a gift or a what ever to prove your love. Can we be dumber? And what’s with the hearts? Who even came up with this shape? It reminds me of a sticky reddish flubber. The cupid is not even romantic… No wonder Michael Jackson lost his nuts and started slobbering over kids.

So this Saturday, when couples will be off wishing, exchanging, dating, and you know what, I will be off to Yes Mister for my weekend cup of tea… Alone. Sadly I am not the ‘fairer sex dream-dude’ and nor I choose “Clear men”.

Love has always been the white dress on the wrong girl.

Of Elephants and Ants

If you know the Urdu you should enjoy this…. If you do not.... then you better learn it!

(This bit of *genius* is a dedication to the *kid prodigy* no matter how much may hate them… you have to agree they work on nerves.)

Im sure these females were Asian




Chunti (female-ant) hathni (female elephant) sey:

apney shohar (groom-elephant) ko samjaha lo key mujhe nae chairay!

Werna mard humaray ghar mein bhi hein….

Yeh naa ho baat khun kharabey tak phonch gae!

Size does (not) matter

Chunta aur chunti bike per:

Samney sey hathi ata hai

(bike halts to a dead-stop!)

Chunti, driver -chuntay say:

KHUCHAL DALL SALAY KO!!!

Common sense is not so common is it?

One beetle-car, four elephants, how would they fit in?

Well two in the front two at the back! What did you think?

Touche!

Chunti scampering at full throttle…

Kahan jaa rahi ho? Asks her friend

Oh hathi ka accident ho gaya hai khun ki zarrort hai khun dainay jaa rahein hoon

I really need to sleep no?

The Land of the Pure

Me: hey dude

Devoted Muslim friend: don’t say ‘hey’; say, 'ASSALAM ALAIK KUM.'

Me: oh okay.

Devoted Muslim friend: (shakes his head in disgust) you know you are really going down the wrong path you know that?

Me: am I?

Devoted Muslim friend: Yes! How punctual are you with your Namaz?

Me: oh well I’m hardly offering prayers.

Devoted Muslim friend: (almost faints) you are doomed! Hell awaits you!

Me: oh dear…

Devoted Muslim friend: you better get your act straight. Devote your life to the Almighty.

Me: hmmm. Hey I don’t see your chowkidaar?

Devoted Muslim friend: oh Anis…. Well his son died… remember the Rains a week ago? Well our servant quarter does not have a proper ceiling and he was like 6 months old so... naturally. Dad has made sure though he gets through the grief… given him a few extra bucks…. khair Namaz pe challein? (Shall we go to pray?)

Me: hmm I think I will pass...

Devoted Muslim friend: You are doomed my friend! A time would come when God won’t help you either… you are so doomed...

Me: I wonder..