Heavy at heart

Optimism is not a thought, it’s a process its actions that we put in our lives to make it more bearable. It’s not the art of looking at the glass half filled, but it’s our innate actions and our mindset that keeps us (humans) positive about life, which to be honest is a pretty hard thing to do. There is should be specific recognition and applause for those who manage to be positive and “level headed” in face of adversity.
I write this because I can’t relate to being optimism. It is so complicated to be happy about life. It is so effingly difficult to remember your moments of serenity and happiness when things are absurd and are peer shaped.
I just realized for a rant this post is too bookish.
I have so many questions that I want to ask but I don’t ask. I have so much to shout about. To shout my guts out to a point my lungs hurt and my voice is hoarse!
But I cannot, I am incapable and I would not. That’s how I function. I absorb it in me and sulk my life out. I will curse myself to death to things I am not responsible for and yet I won’t utter a word.
And I hate myself for this.
I am losing my sense of live. I never had friends and I am losing the ones that I have.
Maybe I think too much. Yes I certainly do. I am obsessed with my brain. But how could you not think? How could you not just let go of yourself and surf along with the crowd? How could you let things happen?
“How” is such a difficult word to comprehend.
So this post is dedicated to all those pessimist realistic people who will just be heavy at heart.
Realistically the glass is always half empty, because someone drank the water before you.
We all deserve hell.
Signed, Me.