Of Elephants and Ants

If you know the Urdu you should enjoy this…. If you do not.... then you better learn it!

(This bit of *genius* is a dedication to the *kid prodigy* no matter how much may hate them… you have to agree they work on nerves.)

Im sure these females were Asian




Chunti (female-ant) hathni (female elephant) sey:

apney shohar (groom-elephant) ko samjaha lo key mujhe nae chairay!

Werna mard humaray ghar mein bhi hein….

Yeh naa ho baat khun kharabey tak phonch gae!

Size does (not) matter

Chunta aur chunti bike per:

Samney sey hathi ata hai

(bike halts to a dead-stop!)

Chunti, driver -chuntay say:

KHUCHAL DALL SALAY KO!!!

Common sense is not so common is it?

One beetle-car, four elephants, how would they fit in?

Well two in the front two at the back! What did you think?

Touche!

Chunti scampering at full throttle…

Kahan jaa rahi ho? Asks her friend

Oh hathi ka accident ho gaya hai khun ki zarrort hai khun dainay jaa rahein hoon

I really need to sleep no?

The Land of the Pure

Me: hey dude

Devoted Muslim friend: don’t say ‘hey’; say, 'ASSALAM ALAIK KUM.'

Me: oh okay.

Devoted Muslim friend: (shakes his head in disgust) you know you are really going down the wrong path you know that?

Me: am I?

Devoted Muslim friend: Yes! How punctual are you with your Namaz?

Me: oh well I’m hardly offering prayers.

Devoted Muslim friend: (almost faints) you are doomed! Hell awaits you!

Me: oh dear…

Devoted Muslim friend: you better get your act straight. Devote your life to the Almighty.

Me: hmmm. Hey I don’t see your chowkidaar?

Devoted Muslim friend: oh Anis…. Well his son died… remember the Rains a week ago? Well our servant quarter does not have a proper ceiling and he was like 6 months old so... naturally. Dad has made sure though he gets through the grief… given him a few extra bucks…. khair Namaz pe challein? (Shall we go to pray?)

Me: hmm I think I will pass...

Devoted Muslim friend: You are doomed my friend! A time would come when God won’t help you either… you are so doomed...

Me: I wonder..

the word is "FUCK"

I’m in awe with this word. It defines reality to its core. The universality of this word is even far-reaching than its language. It’s equal for all, not rationalized for specifics. Even grammar of the English language is unable to bracket the famous curse; adverb, verb, noun, adjective….. You just cannot objectify the word and yet its meanings pertain to subjectivity…simple and real.


"The obscenity fuck is a very old word and has been considered shocking from the first, though it is seen in print much more often now than in the past. Its first known occurrence, in code because of its unacceptability, is in a poem composed in a mixture of Latin and English sometime before 1500. The poem, which satirizes the Carmelite friars of Cambridge, England, takes its title, "Flen flyys," from the first words of its opening line, "Flen, flyys, and freris," that is, "fleas, flies, and friars." The line that contains fuck reads "Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk." The Latin words "Non sunt in coeli, quia," mean "they [the friars] are not in heaven, since." The code "gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk" is easily broken by simply substituting the preceding letter in the alphabet, keeping in mind differences in the alphabet and in spelling between then and now: i was then used for both i and j; v was used for both u and v; and vv was used for w. This yields "fvccant [a fake Latin form] vvivys of heli." The whole thus reads in translation: "They are not in heaven because they fuck wives of Ely [a town near Cambridge]." (quoted from:The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition)


The rebellious nature of the word is appallingly obvious. If you bothered to go through the word history the blokes of the time tried to hide it within cryptograms and codes and what not. Yet it surfaced out magnificently. Repression always leads to aggressive outrage. We don’t need inspiring people to teach us that… a meager vulgar slang is enough.
No matter how tabooed it may be… you have to agree… it is fucking genius!

Two-One

It’s taking me weeks to update my blog and even now I’m talking about things that have happened awhile back. So what! I told you I was not here to entertain, hell its one place where you can all vent it out without the slightest ado.
So here I am gibberishing about the most important thing that culminated this month. My Birthday.
The Day I Turned Twenty One (15th January)
Birthdays are always supposed to be fun, and my 21st was certainly one!
I never thought it to be fun really. See I come across as this unbelievably boring, lethargic bloke that doesn’t fit into the normal world. Firstly I find it impossible to make friends… a literally do! It’s tough you know! I can roast a chicken at Everest but I just cannot make friends….finding me a retard already? I have just started…
So here I am who is absolutely fuming like a chimney reclusively over the goons at my “KidVERSITY”. (Now that’s a whole new story that I just don’t have the time or the heart to tell) as I lay that night skimming through the text messages for the umpteenth time (told you I do not fit),it occurred to me that I have a birthday tomorrow. So why not have the most subtle of birthday parties ever? It had to be subtle because firstly it was my birthday and secondly I just wanted to be with people who I knew cared for me as much I do for them
Step one; find these elusive individuals. Not hard MA and Ace (self-proclaimed, recently found that out ;)
Step two; how to invite? Simple. Text your teacher, she’s all ready(cool chic, I have to add) then text Ace (easier said than done, it took him the whole other morning to reply back, apparently he was asleep, hmm envious me!)
With all the procedures and logistics done, I drove away to pick Ace and MA up. We opted for COPPER KETTLE. MA was nice enough to buy me a cake from the adjacent bakery which was luscious to say the least.
COPPER KETTLE has a lot of serenity to it, quite contrary to the name of the dishes though. (Son of a botch, Runaway Chic to name a few that I could spell properly).
We settled ourselves to a nice warm place in the corner and chatter away. MA and Ace were mingling themselves into a laughable debate that was both hilarious and fun.
I still don’t develop feeling of such strong emotion and happiness other than seeing other people celebrate and feel happy, I’m not being modest truly I’m not! But somehow happiness to me now is subjective to others.
MA gave me book titled “The 100” and Ace gave me a…uhh hmm a cup I guess with HAPPY BIRTHDAY carved out.
I loved the food, the presents and the people, it sounds touchingly boring, but hey three can tango just as well as two.

I felt sad too, MA is off to Yemen with an electric guy, I wished she had opened up earlier and we would have had more of the socio-analytical-sarcastic humorish outings. The Snape-Lady is all Snape would have been had he lived.
Ace is this all boyish intellect fun that guys usually are, but what makes him differ is his ability to trust and laugh wholeheartedly. Nice bloke.
The food was fantastic, I loved my dish No89. (What was that again MA?). So like all evenings and nights, this too had to come to an end, and so it did. I dropped them home and went away to where I live, thoroughly happy and thoroughly changed.
You don’t really need Obama to change lives now do you?

*Sighs* Bonjour' Life!: MEIN KAMPF

*Sighs* Bonjour' Life!: MEIN KAMPF

MEIN KAMPF

NO. It’s not Hitler’s its mine…
If things were to have staged as they were meant to be, my life would have been a delight! But as clichéd in awkward holly-bollywood films, it was never meant to be. But unlike awkward holly-bollywood films, I would be the sole culprit who managed to tarnish the spectrum. To put it in a two-word common slang of today….”my bad”
Yes “my bad” it was that got my family to leave their beloved serenity in Islamabad and end up here in the hostilities of Karachi. You see, I was never the perfect kid for my parents. They dreamt of me as the kid that will make their heads held high in pride, someone who they can proudly relate to…. How badly mistaken they were…
At times when I look back at my great depression I realize that I had became a vulture; void of feelings, void of any belonging… all that matter to me was me…
I just wanted everything to revolve around me I was addicted to enjoy life as I wanted it to be at any cost whatsoever… lying, cheating and all the vices meant nothing to me… The way of the astray is always luring…
And then something happened…. The realization stemmed in… it was not dramatic, not tragic it was as nonchalant as I could ever imagine it to be…
We have this terrace at our house in Islamabad which has the most pristine and serene view you could ever imagine, the break of dawn or the setting of the sun from that terrace was the only natural feeling I had in those days…..that was the only time when I could see the sun without blinking…. The shades of orange had always intrigued me and always made me feel insecure for some reason… something always bothered me about the shades and travel of the biggest source of energy….
One break of dawn…. I had my answer… I had always been wrong… .And when you realize that.. There’s nothing worse, the epitome of guilt scratches away everything from your life you feel numb…. You feel insane…. Put it in medical… you are in clinical depression….
And that what I started to go through, clinical depression… my confessions to the people I love made no headway…. I felt the same…. How could I have faltered so badly?
It took me a year to reclaim rationality… but still the guilt sucks me in and makes me wish otherwise…
My life is mostly dark… yet I have shining things to hold on to..
Mahv,liz,tj were the light of my darkness… friends made out of sheer, blunt , freaky luck are one of the few things that can flicker a smile on my pale dark face..
My struggle thus continues for another time…
Tick-tock,tick-tock,tick-tock…..

To Blog or not to...

I have always been a naturalist, computers, thus scare me... they are just..UN-natural.
my teacher believes (and rightly so) me to be technologically handicapped.. Yes that i am and proud.
Life looses its serenity and purity once it is limited to a click.
Then what I'm doing blogging? shouldn't I be sitting back in my very uncomfortable couch and writing diaries? hmmph
Two things got me blogging, one that my couch is reaaally uncomfortable and two defiance had never been my strength. sad.
So people, if you would visit this space, you would never find an exceptional piece of writing nor an interesting time pass.. you would only find an extraordinarily ordinary guy who would be writing gibberish, confessing reality,(yep, even in the pseudo virtual world, lying, unfortunately is not my forte) and almost all those things that makes me hate, love and explore life.
so to Blog.. is the answer period.